EN

Synopsis JAKE

A 16-year-old Appenzell (CH) girl from a good family gives birth to a child after a language study trip to New York. The father: African-American, unknown. The child is immediately given up for adoption by the mother’s family. She is given the name Jacqueline and grows up in a rural, conservative, strictly Catholic environment. At the age of eight, she realizes that she was born into the wrong body. Jacqueline now knows that she is a boy. Three years later, the teenager discards the hated girl’s name and henceforth calls herself Jeremy. He embarks on a long journey of identity search and transformation, characterized by inner turmoil, drama and conflict.

The director and producer on JAKE

“JAKE and I met in 2002 and since then I have accompanied him with my camera and film on his journey of finding his identity and transformation. At first we met privately at his home. One day we traveled to New York together and visited a famous performance club for drag kings: people who were born into the wrong body as women and perform as male alter egos. JAKE immediately felt at home in this scene. His previous life was characterized by identity conflicts, insecurity and experimental experiences. Twice he entered into a close relationship with women, whose voices can be heard off-screen in my film. Both are strong personalities, and he still feels a deep friendship with both. In a third relationship with a woman, he took the risk of marriage. JAKE fascinates me as a person and a personality. In my documentary film portrait, he talks about himself, his experiences and his feelings. Intense and direct. In his own words and with a presence that you can’t escape.” Francisco Paco Carrascosa

Voices about the film JAKE

“The film about Jake reveals how deeply traditional sexual norms are anchored in our world view and how difficult it is for us to free ourselves from prejudices.” Barbara

“As long as people are marginalized, discriminated against and threatened with violence because of their sexual orientation, films like JAKE are urgently needed.” Ann

The film with JAKE impressively shows that being different is still a stigma in our society that pushes people to the sidelines. That should make us think.” Irene Jost

Trapped in the wrong body. My path to becoming a man.

Name:JAKE (Jacqueline/J.J.) Year of birth: 1962 Sex: female / from 2013 male Hometown: Appenzell (Switzerland) Color of skin: black Hobbies: Music, dance, driving, social issues

Coming out

“When I was 11, I realized that I was rejecting my own body because deep down I felt the opposite sex. I knew I was a girl, but inside me it was screaming: ‘I want to be a boy!’ This feeling was so strong as if it was telling me ‘I AM A BOY!’ I started living as a boy, acting like a boy, dressing like a boy and being interested in girls. The transformation in consciousness triggered strong emotions in me because I didn’t know then what I know now and how to deal with my situation. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, I thought there was something wrong with me. I was ashamed of my feelings. I had no control over myself. The inner conflict took on an extreme dynamic and intensified over the years.

In puberty, I began to lead a double life: at home I was a girl, outside the family I was a boy. I gave myself a name: Jeremy! The burden of my double life became ever greater. Nowhere, neither privately nor professionally, could I admit how I think, how I feel, how I am. I didn’t have any sexual experiences back then because I couldn’t get close to anyone due to my gender issues. It wasn’t until I was 20 that I entered into a close relationship with a woman.

At some point I knew that my identity disorder was called ‘transgender’. I saw a psychiatrist regularly. I mistrusted surgery and opted for hormone therapy. A full operation was out of the question for me because I believed that the identity disorder could then be reversed. Over the years, my gender situation has led to serious health problems: I suffer from severe depression, social integration difficulties, increasing anxiety and eating disorders. The reactions to my skin color are also a recurring problem for me. The difficult living conditions ultimately made me unable to work and mentally ill. I have been receiving an IV pension for 20 years.” JAKE